Limitless
I always have very ambitious (absurdly unrealistic) expectations about how refreshed I’ll be and how much I will accomplish during time off work. During my first maternity leave when Graysie was born I envisioned long walks on the river where we lived, lots of window shopping with all my cute baby accessories in tow and tons of extra time to study and write. Ha! Sometimes I wish I could go back in time to pat my younger self on the head and say things like, “oh, you poor painfully naive child.”
You’d think I would have learned my lesson from the first go-round but when I had Belle I saw myself with loads of free time to organize closets, finish Graysie’s babybook (she was four then) and start Belle’s, cook delicious organic meals every night and lose all my baby weight. Plus I’d have all the house logistics nipped in the bud and be more than ready to return to work because I would also be totally caught up on all of my email. Ha!
This happens over again and as I recently stared at my woefully dissheveled second living space turned junk room that I had envisioned being pristine by now, looked down at my belly that still pokes out too far that was going to be just a wee bit flatter and the ever-growing list of errands still undone, I had a familiar dejected feeling on the inside.
If you haven’t seen the movie Limitless starring Bradley Cooper, it’s worth watching. It’s one of my favorites. I think it’s because this is one of my fantasies. I want to be limitless. I don’t want the side effects, just the power to do it all.
The fact that I literally cannot accomplish everything I want within a certain amount of time is not something I like to consciously admit. In fact, I am regularly reminded of this simple truth about human beings but habitually dismiss it.
I have issues.
I want to be able to do it all. I want to have a pristine living space, a strategically organized family command center before the kids go back to school, a meal plan for every week, all the laundry done and clothes laid out, bills wrangled, garden weeded & pruned and still be able to enjoy several hours relaxing with my husband and looking at my children in the face.
But, I am limited. Being reminded again that I am not God stings.
That sentence was a little strange for me to write but I think it was Him who revealed to me the source of my discouragement on the eve of returning to work after a long vacation.
Life happens. Our dogs wander and we have to spend hours searching and posting online and chatting with worried and caring neighbors (thank God for great neighbors and great parents/doggie grandparents) and wiping our kiddos tears and trying not to cry ourselves and coming back from our beach trip early so we can look for them. Then when they are found we have to spend hours securing the fence, researching collars and just loving on our tired pups. A $350 vet appointment also throws a wrench into all that bill wrangling. Not only is it understandable that I didn't accomplish all I wanted, it would have been ridiculous of me to neglect the more important things that occurred. I just can't do it all.
Does everyone want to be every place at once, be all-knowing, have boundless energy, never make mistakes, and be able to see the future, even a little? ... Or is that just me?
Is this why the Marvel movies have grossed over $10.5 Billion dollars and are expected to double or even triple in future revenue? Is this desire to do and be more why movies like Limitless are successful and turn into TV series? Why our media, magazines, advertisements, Pinterest and practically every place else we look puts forward the deception that we, too, can be everything to everyone and do it all!
If memory serves me correctly, someone else wanted to be God.
“How you have fallen from heaven, morning star, son of the dawn! You have been cast down to the earth, you who once laid low the nations! You said in your heart, ‘I will ascend to the heavens; I will raise my throne above the stars of God; I will sit enthroned on the mount of assembly, on the utmost heights of Mount Zaphon. I will ascend above the tops of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.’” - Isaiah 14:12-15
The scripture above is the story of Satan’s fall, of course, and not to be overly dramatic here, but striving for limitlessness has serious consequences apart from being cast out of God’s presence for all eternity.
Continuing to set painfully naive expectations for myself and being perpetually disappointed is one thing; neglecting my family, health and general well-being is another. But most serious of all: when I continue to do this I am literally ignoring God’s promises to me and relying on my own limited priorities, perceptions, energy and capabilities instead of relying on the truly limitless One.
He promises that if I seek after Him first, He will give me everything I need (Matt. 6:33). He promises that He will take my burdens and replace them with rest (Matt. 11:28-29). He tells me not to fret about the things of this world (like clean third floors or fully completed to-dos) because if I seek His perspective, He will show me what is most important (Rom. 12:2).
Do I have the audacity to ignore these promises and to distrust the limitless One? Apparently so but I’m praying that this will be no more. No more trying to capture the wind in my pocket and hunching my shoulders in defeat when I fail again.
God's love is radically different than the limited ways I see things. Cory Asbury explains: God is utterly unconcerned with the consequences of His actions with regard to His own safety, comfort, and well-being. His love isn't crafty or slick, cunning or shrewd, in fact, all things considered, it is quite child-like and might I even suggest, sometimes, down right ridiculous. His love bankrupted Heaven for you, for me. His love doesn't consider Himself first. It isn't selfish or self-serving. He doesn't wonder what He'll gain or lose by putting himself on the line. He simply puts Himself out there on the off-chance that you and I might look back at Him and give Him that love in return. . . . His love isn't cautious. It's a love that sent His own son to die a gruesome death on a cross. There is no Plan B with the love of God. He gives his heart so completely, so preposterously that if refused, we would think it irreparably broken. Yet, He gives Himself away again, and again, and again, time and time again. Make no mistake, our sins do pain His heart and seventy times seven is a lot of times to get your heart broken. Yet He opens up and allows us back in every single time. His love saw you when you hated Him and all logic said 'They'll reject me." He said "I don't care what it costs me. I lay my life on the line as long as I get their hearts."
We are limited and He loves us limitlessly.
