Courage

Courage. Gumption. Bravery. Valor. Nerve. Guts. My first post incapsulates the insecurity I have in writing at all. It is an email I wrote to some close co-workers of mine a few months back.

I was reviewing my to-dos on the plane today and I came across an action item: "Courage."

That was it.

I did a double-take and stared at it. When had I written that and in what context?

I couldn't remember.

In the course of split seconds all of the times I've needed courage in the past few weeks and all of the times I found it when I needed it most flashed through my mind. I felt grateful for how hard things have seemed because they reminded me of how much I've learned. Upon closer inspection in this awe-provoking moment, I realized my note had actually said Coverage related to resourcing needs, which explains why I didn't remember writing down Courage. Ha! But, the wind was not knocked out of my sails and instead I laughed at myself. Even in the poor handwriting, the reminder of courage is an awesome one. We all need it and we have it. We can invoke it's power just by remembering that it's there. We do hard and sometimes thankless jobs. We do what is right and what is often frustrating. Courage guards us against our own weaknesses. When we feel like we're turning a Gordian knot around over and over in our hands without making any progress, courage reminds us that we have the choice of the sword or a different perspective. It is only an impossible task as long as no one solves it. Who says it's impossible?

When it feels like we're in a swamp, courage makes us pick up our mud-filled boots to tramp onward. When we feel like we're free-falling into the unknown, courage reminds us that it will still be there when we land. When we long for simple and more straight-forward work, courage reminds us that we were built for the smarter, harder, and more adventurous things in life. A fairly sentimental email but I am known as kind of cheesy and courage reminds me to embrace myself. Happy & grateful to be courageous with you guys.

My colleagues at work are some of my best friends so I felt comfortable sharing my thoughts with them. The emails I send my good friends outside of work are vulnerable and come from my heart so the idea of sharing myself with the great unknown makes me want to shrink back and use procrastination as the tool by which I "forget" and get too busy and distracted to finish my website or my dreams.

Journaling privately is certainly the safer and more comfortable way but Courage calls me forward, past the feeling of being a bumbling elderly woman (since I'm only 35) when it comes to all things social media-, and twitter-esk and picturing myself describing the sound of my dial-up connection from years ago to these young whipper-snappers.

The truth is that Courage has a name. His name is Jesus and He has pushed and shaped me more than any other person or truth or adventure I've experienced. I met Him when I was 20 years old and I've never been the same. I can't procrastinate or distract myself from what He is encouraging me toward any longer. So I'll take a long, deep breath and jump.

I'm not sure what this website will become or where He will lead me. All I know is that He's given me a name and a purpose: Heartstone Haven - a place where He can heal the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds (Psalm 147:3). In this place, His words in Ezekiel 36:26 can be lived out: And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

My prayer is that He shape this time, this blog, this site and touch all who visit so that each of you leave feeling refreshed, softened, ready to face the great unknown, full of Courage.